I would say one of my biggest accomplishments of motherhood so far is breastfeeding. So far, Gretchen has exclusively been fed from my breast milk, and for us, that is a HUGE accomplishment. Throughout the past 8 weeks I have faced many obstacles where many people would have given up. We have been to the Lactation Consultant at least once a week since she has been born. Here is our story...
At Gretchen's 1 week appointment she had lost weight. She was 7 pounds 5 ounces when we left the hospital (which is normal for babies to lose weight) and was gaining weight fine at our 4 day check up. A week later though, she was back to 7 pounds 5 ounces. Our doctor told us to go to lactation ASAP! We made an appointment and where able to get in that day. At lactation, they weigh the baby, you feed the baby, and then they weigh the baby again. Through some kind of mathematical equations and a very sensitive scale, they are able to figure out how much your baby got in volume based on how much weight they gained during the feeding. Gretchen wasn't getting enough so they told us we would have to supplement half an ounce of breast milk or formula after each feeding. They also told me that in order to keep my supply I had to pump after every feeding (that's right...8-12 times a day of sticking my boobs in a vacuum...fuuuuun...). I was able to pump all of her supplements and each day of pumping I would get more and more milk. I wanted to give her everything I was pumping so sometimes we put an ounce in her bottle, but I still managed to build up a pretty hefty freezer stash.
The next week we went back to lactation. She had gained over an ounce a day! They say that babies are supposed to be gaining 2/3 - 1 ounce every day so we were back on track! Yay. We saw a different woman this time and I really liked her! I told her that I had been able to pump all of Gretchen's supplements and then some so we made our goal this time to exclusively breast feed and not use the nipple shield (it hurt too bad without it). She assisted us with getting a good latch, but it still hurt me a little - she said this was normal.
A few days later we went back to make sure everything was going alright. Gretchen was still gaining weight (not as much as before since we weren't giving her extra in a bottle) but my nipples were shot. I'm not talking just a little bit of soreness...I'm talking the kind of pain where I would go to bed and have nightmares about sticking my nipples into a moving fan that had knife blades - no joke! They were so bad that I stopped nursing Gretchen the day before our appointment and was exclusively pumping. The LC assessed my breast and told me - to no surprise - that my nipples were cracked, bruised, and one even had a scab from bleeding. I mustered the strength to latch Gretchen so she could see what was going on and she said everything looked perfect. This is when she assessed Gretchen's suck. It was very disorganized. "You got a chomper," she told us. "She has a clenched jaw which could be caused by trauma during birth." Because of this she bites a lot and cannot figure out a good suck rhythm. This explained the gum line bruise that I had under my nipple. Gretchen is also tongue tied so this could be affecting it as well. By the end of the appointment, we went back to the nipple shield - a smaller one though that fit better because it protected me from Iron Jaws - no joke, my baby could probably eat a flank steak with her gums. The LC told us to stop using pacifiers because the rubber nipple encourages the chomping.
Our next appointment was to get her tongue clipped; hoping that breaking her tongue tie would help her. Her tongue tie wasn't bad, but they said it might help. This was a sad day...they gave Gretty some concentrated sugar drops, swaddled her super tight with two blankets, one nurse held her head, and the other clipped her tongue. She immediately came to me after to nurse because it calms them down and the antibodies in the breast milk helps heal the wound. She bled a little bit which was awful because I was trying to latch her while she was screaming and bleeding. I couldn't do it so I looked away and had the two nurses latch her for me. Once she was on and calming down I noticed she was losing hair. I swear it was from the stress, but now I think it was just a coincidence because she has lost most of her hair on top and is sporting the horseshoe right now.
Anyway, I continued to nurse her with the shield until she figured things out. We had to do "Suck Training" with her for 2 weeks where we did different tongue exercises and different exercises with the pacifier (even though the previous LC we saw told us not to use it).
By our follow up appointment the next week, I knew something wasn't right. Gretty was more fussy than normal and her suck seemed to have gotten worse. Well, I was right because when she got weighed she had barely gained any weight. This was so discouraging because we have already gone through so much. The LC determined it was because I had a low supply and that I had to start pumping after every single feeding...again (8-12 times a day). This my friends, is why I haven't been on the blog recently. So this is a snap shot of my day to day life now: Gretchen wakes up, feed her for 30 minutes, pump for 30 minutes, put Gretchen down for a nap, put milk in the fridge or freezer, wash pump parts, wait for G to wake up from her nap (by this point usually another half an hour or an hour if I'm lucky), then repeat. I had a bad day when we got home from the LC...I had bad days before, but this was one of those sit in the shower and cry type of days. I was so discouraged but determined to push through since had already come so far.
After that day of crying and being depressed and feeling like everything was my fault I did some research on my favorite breast feeding website, KellyMom.com. I determined my supply wasn't the issue because of my pumping output. Every time I pump after a feeding, I will get 1-2 ounces - always more in the morning - and this is on the high end of normal...anything more for a full time breast feeding mother is over supply or a woman who just responds well to the pump. I started paying more attention to her suck and have determined our problems are because of her jaw clenching...I can literally see her chomping down. Everything I've read said this is something they grow out of but can take several months. In the mean time we have been helping her get a good suck on our finger before I latch her on and I will massage her jaw while I feed her for a little bit. It seems to help some but now it's just a waiting game before I wean myself from the nipple shield because I seriously need it for my own protection at this point. She also is able to get more with it. We still have to give her a bottle because she can't seem to get enough on her own, but we are down to giving her only 2 extra ounces a day (which we give to her at night and it gives us a good 5-7 hour stretch of sleep!)
Everyone said breastfeeding is hard, but I didn't think it would be like this! Although we have struggled, I am thankful our daughter is healthy and we have been able to get through all of these bumps in the road.
I've cut my pumping down to 4-6 times a day just to keep a good supply so now I have a little more time on my hands and will be able to blog more!
Your doing great! I remember a point when I felt like giving up but your a great mom and you know what is right. I used the nipple shield til Dani was 4 months or so and then at that point she would just latch without it, I could never get her to latch correctly otherwise. After dani was a year old and I could say I breastfed my baby I felt like that was one of the best accomplishments I had ever done, it certainly isn't easy but it's wha's best for your baby and your doing great!
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