Weight is something that I have struggled with my entire life. When I was a child I was always the tallest girl in my class and hit puberty before everyone else my age, and even though I wasn't overweight as a child, I was big compared to all of my friends. I was very active during my childhood and took dance classes 6-7 days a week until middle school when it just became too much so I decided to quit. The less active I became, the more weight I put on.
By the time I was in high school I was very insecure with my body. I always found myself making excuses about why I couldn't go to the lake or in the hot tub at a friend's house just because I couldn't bear the thought of wearing a swim suit. I missed out on a lot of things because I was embarrassed about how I looked and I didn't know how to fix it.
When I got to college I started to put on more weight. I would try to cover it up by wearing clothes that made me look thinner than I was. Shopping was miserable and I would often times cry in the dressing room when I couldn't get the biggest size of pants on. I would make excuses and say that that store's sizes just run small.
It wasn't until after college when I was looking at our family Christmas photos that I realized how out of control my health had gotten. I started to reflect on my life and realize how miserable I was, how unhappy I had become, how I untagged myself from nearly every picture on Facebook because I looked so big, how my size 14 jeans were getting really tight and I the next size up was a plus size. I was depressed and ashamed of my body and the habits that lead me there. I never weighed myself for fear of what the scale would say.
It was January 2012 when I had enough and decided to get serious about making a serious change. First, I bought a scale: at my heaviest, I weighed 186 pounds. I started eating clean and meal planning. I bought some workout DVDs and started working out at home. After a month I had lost almost 15 pounds and was motivated to keep going. I graduated from my
Hip Hop Abs and decided to try
Jillian Michaels 30 Day Shred
. By March I had lost a total of 25 pounds and decided to step my workout up and do the at home workout program that everyone says is just crazy:
Insanity. The workouts were tough and I had to modify a lot of the moves, but I started to see a huge transformation in my body and even the faint hint of my muscles. I became obsessed with getting fit. My step mom even talked me into running a half marathon with her in the summer. I never liked to run, but I wanted to challenge myself. When I started running I was shocked that I could easily run a mile without ever being able to run with such ease before. I started to believe in myself and believe that I could achieve my goal.
After 6 months I had lost a total of 54 pounds and was now a size 4 (sometimes I could fit into a size 2!). I was the most confident with my body I had ever been in my life.
The summer after I lost all of that weight, I met my husband and we were married a year later. Shortly after getting married I became pregnant. I really wanted to have a fit pregnancy, but every time I worked out I would get nauseous and throw up. The only thing that made my nausea bearable was eating. It was really hard for me to watch the scale go up, but I knew it was essential for the growth of my daughter, and that I had lost weight before so I could do it again. After my morning sickness went away (nearly 5 months into my pregnancy) I had broken all of my good habits. I didn't eat as healthy as I should have and there were consequences from all of the bad decisions I made.
Right before I delivered in June I was all the way up to 196 pounds! I thought the weight would come off with breastfeeding like so many moms claim it does, but it didn't work that way for me. I struggled with my milk supply and had to make sure I ate enough to be able to produce enough milk for my baby to grow. It wasn't until November that I got really serious about losing the weight. It has been much harder this time around: I had to figure out how much to eat to be able to lose weight and still maintain a healthy milk, plan meals for myself and David who has Celiac Disease and cannot eat gluten, and find time to workout between caring for a baby, pumping 8-12 times a day, and maintaining the household. Now, I am officially down 49 pounds since birth with the help of
Focus T25,
Insanity,
Insanity Max:30, running, and clean eating, and I am determined to lose another 7 before my daughters first birthday.
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| The picture on the right is after running my first half marathon. I am doing another one in 3 weeks! |
Having lost so much weight twice now, I know that I am never going to let myself get that big again (even when I have another baby). I still struggle everyday: I love food. I love binge eating in front of the TV. I love sweets and anything with butter. What I love even more though is being healthy, athletic, and confident in my own skin. I love being able to set a good example for my daughter. I love being an inspiration to the people around me. I love that I can live my life and that nothing can hold me back anymore.
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