My Weight Loss Journey

Weight is something that I have struggled with my entire life.  When I was a child I was always the tallest girl in my class and hit puberty before everyone else my age, and even though I wasn't overweight as a child, I was big compared to all of my friends.  I was very active during my childhood and took dance classes 6-7 days a week until middle school when it just became too much so I decided to quit.  The less active I became, the more weight I put on.  

By the time I was in high school I was very insecure with my body.  I always found myself making excuses about why I couldn't go to the lake or in the hot tub at a friend's house just because I couldn't bear the thought of wearing a swim suit.  I missed out on a lot of things because I was embarrassed about how I looked and I didn't know how to fix it.  

When I got to college I started to put on more weight.  I would try to cover it up by wearing clothes that made me look thinner than I was.  Shopping was miserable and I would often times cry in the dressing room when I couldn't get the biggest size of pants on.  I would make excuses and say that that store's sizes just run small. 

It wasn't until after college when I was looking at our family Christmas photos that I realized how out of control my health had gotten.  I started to reflect on my life and realize how miserable I was, how unhappy I had become, how I untagged myself from nearly every picture on Facebook because I looked so big, how my size 14 jeans were getting really tight and I  the next size up was a plus size.  I was depressed and ashamed of my body and the habits that lead me there.  I never weighed myself for fear of what the scale would say. 

It was January 2012 when I had enough and decided to get serious about making a serious change.  First, I bought a scale:  at my heaviest, I weighed 186 pounds.  I started eating clean and meal planning.  I bought some workout DVDs and started working out at home.  After a month I had lost almost 15 pounds and was motivated to keep going.  I graduated from my Hip Hop Abs and decided to try Jillian Michaels 30 Day Shred.  By March I had lost a total of 25 pounds and decided to step my workout up and do the at home workout program that everyone says is just crazy: Insanity.  The workouts were tough and I had to modify a lot of the moves, but I started to see a huge transformation in my body and even the faint hint of my muscles.  I became obsessed with getting fit. My step mom even talked me into running a half marathon with her in the summer.  I never liked to run, but I wanted to challenge myself.  When I started running I was shocked that I could easily run a mile without ever being able to run with such ease before.  I started to believe in myself and believe that I could achieve my goal. 

After 6 months I had lost a total of 54 pounds and was now a size 4 (sometimes I could fit into a size 2!).  I was the most confident with my body I had ever been in my life.

The summer after I lost all of that weight, I met my husband and we were married a year later. Shortly after getting married I became pregnant.  I really wanted to have a fit pregnancy, but every time I worked out I would get nauseous and throw up.  The only thing that made my nausea bearable was eating.  It was really hard for me to watch the scale go up, but I knew it was essential for the growth of my daughter, and that I had lost weight before so I could do it again.  After my morning sickness went away (nearly 5 months into my pregnancy)  I had broken all of my good habits.  I didn't eat as healthy as I should have and there were consequences from all of the bad decisions I made.

Right before I delivered in June I was all the way up to 196 pounds!  I thought the weight would come off with breastfeeding like so many moms claim it does, but it didn't work that way for me.  I struggled with my milk supply and had to make sure I ate enough to be able to produce enough milk for my baby to grow.  It wasn't until November that I got really serious about losing the weight.  It has been much harder this time around:  I had to figure out how much to eat to be able to lose weight and still maintain a healthy milk, plan meals for myself and David who has Celiac Disease and cannot eat gluten, and find time to workout between caring for a baby, pumping 8-12 times a day, and maintaining the household.  Now, I am officially down 49 pounds since birth with the help of Focus T25, Insanity, Insanity Max:30, running, and clean eating, and I am determined to lose another 7 before my daughters first birthday.

The picture on the right is after running my first half marathon.  I am doing another one in 3 weeks!

Having lost so much weight twice now, I know that I am never going to let myself get that big again (even when I have another baby).  I still struggle everyday:  I love food.  I love binge eating in front of the TV.  I love sweets and anything with butter.  What I love even more though is being healthy, athletic, and confident in my own skin.  I love being able to set a good example for my daughter.  I love being an inspiration to the people around me.  I love that I can live my life and that nothing can hold me back anymore.